blahhh. i wish i had more self control.

01. you make me SO nervous. i wanna start hanging out w. you again 'cause i kinda miss you, but i still feel like you're not rly interested in talking to me, evn tho you're the one who asked why we don't talk/hang out anymore. idk, you're hard to read. i feel like i try SO hard to overcome my anxiety and talk to you. i'm not just talking about now, i'm talking about before too...and idk if it's worth it because it's just...rly frustrating. i feel like i'm getting nowhere. in the fall i felt like i did w. ben ish, which is weird. somehow i trust you a lot but i barely kno you. i feel like i try to impress you or something and i just feel so lame. i wish i could be more comfortable so you could see how i rly am, but idk if you'd evn want that.
02. i feel like i'm always trying to get your attention and it sucks. i don't try to be like that either 'cause i hate it, but it just happens. it makes me feel rly insecure haa. i trust you a lot, but you act so much differently around me when it's just us compared to when we're w. a group of ppl. i don't like you anymore and i hope you kno that i haven't in a long time...idk if someone told you what i said that night we drank but i was having an anxiety attack and having trouble explaining myself. i nvr kno how i feel towards you, but evryone thinks i still have feelings for you. i don't and i don't want to, we make good friends.
03. why do you lie so much? it's so frustrating. i don't kno if you're evr telling the truth or not and that just makes me loose so much trust in you. i feel like most of what you say is just a plea for attention and it's getting on my nerves, i'm sick of listening to it. i wish you could just be honest w. me so i could understand you better. i'm sick of defending you for the things you do when i'm questioning them myself and ashdkal i wish you would just talk about it, instead of trying to hide everything or avoid it. we're more alike than you think, so i get a lot of why you do things. i kno we're slipping apart but i am just so constantly frustrated w. our friendship and how much you've changed. i don't wanna loose you as a friend. i'm WORRIED for your safety 'cause ily.
04. you get mad about the smallest things and it's so dumb. i hate having ppl i care about mad at me and when you bitch at me for things that don't evn matter, it's frustrating. stop being offended by EVRYTHING, it's not like i'm trying to make you angry, it's like you're looking for something to be angry about.
05. i get why you feel insecure 'cause i'm rly insecure too, but i wish you didn't let it affect so much. it's frustrating because you just won't snap out of it
06. i liked you more when you were more laid back and not as tense/easily annoyed.
07. I MISS YOU! come back home. i need you here so i can get away from all these peopleeeeee ugh
08. i wish we hung out more 'cause we're a lot of alike, so i trust you a lot and always have. i like how you're so down to earth and not dramatic like so many other girls