k.

1121am @ 2009-12-06T09:03:00

2009-12-06T17:03:12Z

get me out of here.

1121am @ 2009-11-29T19:59:00

2009-11-30T00:59:54Z

my job is starting to make me hate society

1121am @ 2009-11-22T00:45:00

2009-11-22T05:45:06Z

growing up is hard to do

1121am @ 2009-11-17T22:01:00

2009-11-18T03:01:06Z

wonderful beeday things;

jumper from urban oufitters
cheap fisheye camera
printed mini skirt
big teeshirt w. a LION on it! :)
floral printed skirt
dotted tights
lg xenon
"are these my basoomas i see before me?" by louise rennison ;)
selected poems by e. e. cummings
"this is not a book" by keri smith
"a year in fashion" by pascal morche
banana nut bread from g-ma
package from chels!

bein sick on my beeday kinda sucked but me and steve are re-celebrating soon since we're beeday buddies :)

1121am @ 2009-11-17T20:42:00

2009-11-18T01:42:21Z

i feel like i'm becoming a worse and worse person as i go.

1121am @ 2009-11-02T20:53:00

2009-11-03T01:56:25Z

e.e. cummings book
magazines for collages
polaroid film, if i can find any
regular film for manual
good set of pens for drawing
bigger journal so i can draw in it

my bday's in 10 days :)

1121am @ 2009-10-28T19:57:00

2009-10-28T23:57:26Z

so sleepy, always. sometimes i wish i had a friend who would wanna take naps w. me haha

1121am @ 2009-10-26T23:06:00

2009-10-27T03:07:23Z

01. i was angry cause i was mad for letting us grow apart

1121am @ 2009-10-26T19:08:00

2009-10-26T23:22:31Z

you always do this haha i don't know why you care. i'm hoping i won't start caring this time cause i know you'll be gone soon.

1121am @ 2009-10-19T16:29:00

2009-10-19T20:36:01Z

- i'm not mad @ all, i just don't wanna have to deal w. you. i don't care if you feel like crap today, that's not a reason why i should not be upset because you're being an asshole for no reason. i understand that you were afraid for my safety but i can't explain anything to you, ever. how was i supposed to know? you can't just punish me for something i wasn't aware of, wtf. i didn't lie to you and my college essay is perfectly fucking fine, so don't tell me that shit especially since i don't want you to evr read it, it's personal. you get angry too easily and then you feel bad too easily too and idk how to deal w. it, evr. i already feel like i dissapoint you enough, why do you have to tell me how stupid i was and all the mistakes i've made. I KNOW ALREADY, i made them.
- you're a bitch and i rly want nothing to do w. you. i'm finally fed up w. your bullshit and i think i'm just completely done w. you. you're fun and i love you, but you're only concerned about yourself. and that screws me over all the time cause you expect me to do things for you and evn when i say no, you get angry and then i just give in cause i dont wanna deal w. it

october sucks.

1121am @ 2009-10-12T23:38:00

2009-10-13T03:39:04Z

i think i can do it this time.

ahhhh

2009-10-05T20:15:31Z

god damnit, i'm so fucking stressed. whenevr i don't do my homework, my teachers take credit for it and whenevr i do it, they don't check. i can't find my french bk or wrk bk. i don't have enough time to do any of my work sometimes for a wk straight because of my job. i have a huge test in anatomy tmrw. michaels jsut called and i was supposed to wrk today but i thought i was supposed to wrk tmrw so i might be screwed. i hope i don't have so many pts. that i lose my job. i'm having issues balancing school, work, hanging out w. friends and looking for colleges and doing my applications. i'm having issues concentrating gaaaadkashdkasd i can't wait til i've applied to colleges so part of this is off my back. evrything seems like such a big deal just cause i'm freaking out haha

1121am @ 2009-10-02T18:09:00

2009-10-02T22:12:17Z

someone told me that the ppl who upset you most and the ppl you love most are usually the same. it's funny cause i'm so against having to deal w. bullshit that i usually just grow apart from the ppl i love most because they start to be the ppl that make me most upset and i dont wanna have to deal w. it =/ oh well i guess

1121am @ 2009-09-21T17:57:00

2009-09-21T23:27:43Z

01. i am so sick of your bullshit. our friendship never used to be like this. i miss being legit good friends and not on and off like it's been for the past like 3 years. you're either super happy to see me and we talk about evrything or you just ignore me completely and are a complete dick for no reason. you say that it's bullshit when ppl act differently around different ppl YET YOU DO IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i used to call you my b best friend and i miss having that. it wasn't that long ago that i said that but it feels like so much has changed between us in just that amount of time. i don't like you anymore either, that ended a long time ago, over a year. that night you crashed your car i didn't like you either but ahhh it was just too confusing. so you can stop thinking that i'm "in love w. you" because i nvr was. you make me so mad sometimes but then i just idk don't wanna evr stop being friends, either.
02. i love you i love you i love you i'm glad we're becoming good friends again :] you're my favorite boy everrrrrr
03. i love our letters :] i trust you sooo much more than i think you realize. anything i could write here i've prolly already told you, but i'm so glad i have you as a best friend :D i miss not having you around all the time
04. i like hanging out w. you sometimes but most of the time you're just too much for me to handle, anymore.
05. i never talk to you anymore and it's sad :[
06. i love you most and you're only 4 years old <3
07. i wish it was easier to talk to you but you make me so nervous, idk why

hi.

2009-09-14T22:18:22Z

no matter what happens, i can't seem to get myself to work unless i enjoy it. i'm constantly procrastinating, evn if i try hard not to. the only things i've been able to get done lately aren't school-related. im hoping i don't fuck up my grades when they still count. i don't seem to care until i realize i'm not getting credit for anything.
i wish i wasn't undecisive and i wish i knew what to say. i wish i could get rid of my anxiety.

things to save up for:
- new headlights
- fixing the rest of the car lol
- new lenses for my camera

1121am @ 2009-08-29T14:08:00

2009-08-29T21:08:26Z

only one more year :). i am soooo relieved.

1121am @ 2009-07-21T02:11:00

2009-07-21T06:15:03Z

merhhhedsdf.
i just got back from cape cod, i might leave for georgia in 9 days if i can get time off from work, 4 days after that i go to europe for 9 days. then summer's basically over and i'm a senior and i'm not prepared at all.

1121am @ 2009-07-12T03:21:00

2009-07-12T07:21:35Z

i hate caring about ppl i kno i shouldn't.

1121am @ 2009-07-04T01:43:00

2009-07-04T06:13:10Z

blah. idk what to do w. myself. i keep trying to look at schools to go to but honestly, i'm having trouble finding a good school that has the majors i'm interested in that's not too far away. i wish i could go as far as i wanted, but i feel like dad keeps holding me back. i kno he doesn't want me to go too far away but i want to go to a school that has a good program for what i want and i'm having trouble finding a school like that that i would like around here. honestly, if i could, i'd get out of the fucking country, far away from here but i feel kindof guilty for just wanting to get up and leave my family because i kno how much it would upset my dad, mostly. but i feel so trapped here. i don't want to do anything that upsets my dad and it sucks. i wish i could shake myself out of it because it always winds up holding me back somehow.

i wish i knew what i want to do w. my life. i kno i want to do something w. animals. but looking for a school that offers zoology, wildlife biology/marine biology and pre-vet is difficult. evry career i look at that i'm sortof interested in sounds silly. i don't rly want to cure animals, i want to take care of them. but idk...i thought wildlife rehabilitation sounded cool, but then mom told me that barely anyone can get involved in that and it's rly difficult. not knowing what i want to do makes me feel so lost and confused. i wish i was already out living my life and not stuck here, doing the same thing with the same ppl all the time. i need something NEW.

i feel bad because i get so easily sick of the people that i hang out with. even when i hung out w. more people and different groups of people, it would happen. i can't get rly close to someone and hang out w. them a lot w. out getting sick of them and it sucks. i just need to take breaks from people sometimes, but sometimes it's like a couple months and idk, i feel like i ruin friendships so easily. it's like i don't get too attached to people or something because i've gotten so used to losing people.

things to do:
~~- carve something into the wood piece i got and then paint it~~
- trace moon/sun design on the wall behind my bed and then paint it
- do a photoshoot of my fwends that aren't on my wall yet to add to the pictures i have, to make it look even (in color)
~~- figure out where to put the drawings javi gave me~~
~~- get 3-d paint and do designs on wooden 'BEE' (my nickname)letters i bought, and hang in my room~~
~~- buy tapestry to cover my closet~~
- save up money for europe + vibes ($100 or more if i can for each)>/s>
~~- get bks to read for summer reading~~
- get fake sunflowers to hang on wall
- replace orange drawer things w. something else
~~- find another little bowl to put earrings/jewelry in~~
- get my nose pierced w. sam!! (save up $30-$60)
- buy hamsters or something cute to put in that cage that's just wasting space in my room
- buy a fish eye and wide angle lense - after summer

10.

2009-07-02T06:22:34Z

01. i rly want to set things straight w. you, 'cause i guess someone's told you the wrong thing.
02. i give up. you were such a waste of time. i wish it was different.
03. stop expecting evryone to just hand things to you!
04. you make me uncomfortable because i know that you're always judging me harshly, because that's what i did when i was like that.
05. you are such a crazy bitch, you don't deserve to have a son like javi.
06. sometimes i wish i understood what was going through your head, 'cause you barely evr make sense.
07. uhhhhh i wish we'd hang out.
08. i feel like you've forgotten me as a friend and i know that's my fault. but i don't think i'm ready to start hanging out w. you again yet. i still love you as a person, you're just difficult sometimes.
09. i feel like i'm annoying you, constantly.
10. i wish i could talk to you more easily, like it used to be.

1121am @ 2009-06-30T02:49:00

2009-06-30T06:50:03Z

i hate feeling like i don't have enough time left and i wasted all that time i DID have.

1121am @ 2009-06-26T01:55:00

2009-06-26T06:01:02Z

i'm getting so sick of everyone. or maybe not everyone but just the people i'm closest to and idk. i hate losing people. i hate how confusing not being close to you anymore is because i don't kno how to feel about you anymore or what's going on in your head and i wish i wasn't replaced. always. i hate how you're such a dick sometimes for no reason and how i still don't know why i had an anxiety attack that night and how i was having difficulty thinking straight and i couldn't figure out what i meant and then you were told things that weren't and aren't true. i hate waking up to hearing you talking about me and wanting to correct you but being too nervous to say anything. i want space from evryone. i've held on to too much again =/

1121am @ 2009-06-13T23:29:00

2009-06-14T03:30:28Z

i feel so trapped and confused. i can't wait to get the fuck out of here! i just wish i knew what schools i want to go to...haha whooops

1121am @ 2009-06-10T18:10:00

2009-06-10T22:17:35Z

seriously, i am so fucking frustrated w. you! you said you wanted to talk/hang out but when i tried you kept breaking plans and now whenevr i try to talk to you it's just awkward. don't act like you care if you rly don't! i don't get you at all, what the fuck. like, i had stopped being annoyed at our whole situation before haha and then you had to try to talk to me again and then act like you don't evn care. i'm not explaining this well at all, but uuuugh, you just make me so frustrated! like i actually want to talk to you again and get to kno you, but i don't wanna be wasting my time. and i wish it seemed like you act. wanted to hang out, 'cause i'm getting mixed signals and it's rly confusing. but, just so you kno, you didn't break my heart haha that's ridiculous. and, you couldn't have dated me, 'cause if you asked me out i prolly would've started to back off. i hate titles.

blahhhhh

1121am @ 2009-05-13T18:04:00

2009-05-13T22:05:11Z

i am so lost.

=/